F - Fragility, Fear, and Faith

Life has a way of taking us by surprise. There’s no way to predict which direction our lives are going to go or what is going to happen at any given moment, and that means we need to appreciate and enjoy the time we have on this earth, however long that may be. Within the past couple years, life has taken me by surprise in the most amazing way, but that amazing surprise came with a side effect I wasn’t expecting: fear.

Our perspective on life shifts as our life itself shifts. For example, before I started dating Michael, I had little to no fear about anything. I wasn’t afraid to die because I didn’t really have a whole lot to lose at that point in my life. Sure, I had hopes and dreams of getting married, starting a family, traveling the world with someone by my side, and so on, but those were just dreams, and being single, there was no way for those dreams to become a reality. I’m a fairly realistic person, so knowing that there was no way for those dreams to come true until my prince charming the right guy came along, I didn’t even consider them as a possibility in my mind (I couldn’t technically lose something that I didn’t even have the possibility of obtaining). Anyways, life carried on, worked its magic, and *POOF*…Michael came into my life.

THINGS ARE GETTIN’ REAL

This was a game changer. Getting married, having kids, going on adventures together, growing old together, and so on, became potentially real options for me. The more excited I became about what my future might hold, the more fearful I became that something bad would happen to myself or Michael. Suddenly, life started to seem extremely fragile, premature death due to an accident or illness seemed far too probable, and I felt like something bad was bound to happen because my life has been way too good. In addition to being fairly realistic, I’m also a fairly logical person, so I was well aware that these fears and their level of intensity were irrational, which made me feel as crazy as this whole story probably sounds. My fears only got worse when Michael went to Altec’s Technical Basic Training in St. Joseph, MO for two weeks. I hoped that when he returned safe and sound that my fears would dissipate, but they didn’t, and I kept quiet about them (yeah, I know, bad move on my part). I eventually reached out to my mom, and although she basically told me everything I already knew, it felt good to receive reassurance from another person. She shared some of her own experiences and insights with me, and although our talk made me feel a lot better, I still felt the need to talk to Michael. I kept my feelings bottled up for too long, so my talk with Michael was a bit on the blubbery outburst side, but it felt good to get it off of my chest. His understanding, reassurance, and support helped put my mind at ease. Once I felt like I was gaining all of some of my sanity back, I took the advice I received from both my mom and Michael and put them to good use.

REIGNING & REGAINING

Reigning in my feelings and getting my thoughts off my chest has helped me to regain control of my fears, but I’ve had to mindfully take action and repeat little mantras to myself to help keep those fears at bay. I’m going to share with you a few of the "mantras" and actions that have helped me remain calm and stay positive when I start to feel my fears creeping back in.

• Talking It Out. While this may not be everyone’s favorite thing to do, I’ve found that talking to someone helps a lot. It’s so helpful in fact that I would consider this to be the first and most important step in this whole process. Talking about and confronting your thoughts and feelings gives your thoughts somewhere to go instead of taking of space in your already crowded brain. You are going to continue feeling like a prisoner of your own mind until you get your thoughts and feelings out on the table. Whether you choose to talk to a professional (there is absolutely no shame in that) or someone you’re close to who has your best interest at heart, I can almost guarantee that you will feel better afterwards. I personally chose to start with talking to people I’m closest to, but I didn’t rule out the idea of getting professional help if it came to that.

*If anyone ever needs to talk about anything, I’m always here—no judgment, just listening!

• When We Die, We’re, Well…Dead.  The way I see it is once you die, you are dead. So profound, I know. My point is that the only thing certain in life is death, and once we die our life is over; we will have lived the life we were gifted and we will be rid of any earthly concerns. Until our time comes, all we can do is cherish every precious moment we are given and live every day with a grateful heart. It’s ok, natural even, to think about death, but don’t dwell on it. I personally find comfort in my Christian belief that once I die I’ll be kicking it with Jesus in heaven for all eternity.  Can’t beat that, can ya? (Romans 8:18)

•Worrying Isn’t Going To Do Anything Except Rob You Of Happiness. It is a waste of life itself to live in fear of the inevitable. Don’t waste the good time you have right now worrying that something bad is going to happen in the future, because you can’t control what is going to happen. Sure, you can make choices that will lead to living a healthier, safer life, but you can’t control an unexpected illness or accident. As Michael has told me before, “don’t worry until you’ve got a reason to.” You can start to worry once you have a legitimate reason to worry, but until then don’t worry your pretty little mind, just let go and let God. 

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” –Reinhold Niebuhr

• Avoid/Filter Social Media. The news and social media have a huge influence on our thoughts and ideas. In my last blog post I talked about how what we do every day is what we become, and that goes for what information we are exposed to day in and day out. The information we are fed from the news stations all around the world and from the countless number of social media platforms is rarely sunshine and rainbows, and that is going to get to your head after a while. There are truly horrendous things happening in the world and while I wish there was more I could do to help, there isn’t, and I don’t want to spend my life worrying about things that I don’t have the power to change—it’s mentally exhausting. I would much rather spend my time riding my bike, going for a nature walk, reading, baking, watching Netflix with Michael, going on adventures, sipping on coffee, volunteering, putting a smile on someone else’s face, making a difference when and where I can, and just living my life as happy and as care free as possible. We all have our own battles to fight, so why add the extra worry?  My best advice is to be selective about what news and social media you expose yourself to. If you’re feeling extra sensitive, avoid the news for a while. If you’re feeling down about your life, take a break from social media for a while. I never watch the news (aside from watching snippets of the local news every couple months), and I’ve filtered my social media platforms to feed me primarily positive news. For me, ignorance is bliss.

• Stay Busy. It’s far too easy to get stuck in the rut of our everyday lives. Sometimes it feels like all we do is sleep, work, eat, repeat, and when there is no variance in our lives, it’s easy for our brains to wander to dark places. To keep negative thoughts at bay, stay busy! Now that doesn’t mean you need to cram your schedule full of activities from sun up to sun down, it means engaging in new activities from time to time—don’t be afraid to switch it up! Spend time outside, start a new hobby, call a relative, get lost in a good book, travel, bake, go see a movie in the theater, get coffee with a friend, volunteer somewhere, tackle a DIY—the list is endless! Any form of activity that breaks up the monotony of your daily routine will help keep you in a happy state of mind. J

• Remember That God Isn’t Out To Get You. As crazy as it sounds, I started to worry that something bad was going to happen because my life has been too good and I've been too happy. I began to feel that “my time was up” (so to speak) and that something bad was going to happen in order to balance out all of the good I’ve been blessed with. What helped me get over this fear is realizing that humans are the reason bad things happen to good people, not God.

“Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous.” –Romans 5:19

Contrary to popular belief, God is not out to get you; quite the opposite in fact! God will always be on your side. No matter what happens in your life, God will be with you through thick and thin for all eternity, no matter what. God is your cheerleader, sounding board, and rock, and he wants nothing but good things for you (Exodus 14:14, Jeremiah 29:11, John 14:27). God knew there would be suffering in this world (John 16:33), but I don’t believe that God is to blame for any heartaches, troubles, or tragedies we may face in our lives. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people—that’s just the way life works. It isn’t always fair—heck, sometimes it’s downright cruel—but it is up to us to be grateful for the good we do have in our lives and to make the most of the life we are given. Whether you currently have an amazing life or a down-on-your-luck kind of life, just remember that God is not out to get you. If something bad happens, it’s just because life is full of ups and downs, highs and lows, heart ache and love. There is no doubt in my mind that I will likely experience hardships throughout the course of my life, and there’s no doubt in my mind that if you are currently experiencing hardships that truly wonderful things are in store for you.

FAITH > FEAR

If anything positive has come out of this sudden, deep seeded fear it's that my faith has grown, and I’ve come realize more than ever before what is truly important in life: I want to prioritize my overall health in a long term sense. I want to experience all the world has to offer. I want to be a ray of sunshine in the lives of others. I want to grow old with someone. I want to live the happiest life I can possibly live while I’m able to live it. My greatest wish is to simply live a long, healthy, happy life with the ones I love, and I have the same wish for them as well. That is all I want in my lifetime, and if that happens, I will be one happy, grateful girl.

“Let your faith be bigger than your fear.” –Anon