U - Unnoticed? Unworthy? Unconditional Love.

I’ve been doing a lot of traveling this year. 

May—Present: 10 Trips to Shakopee (Work) 

Early July: Drove to Alabama

Early August: Flew to California (Work)

End of August: Drove to Alabama

October: Events in…Milwaukee, WI, St. Joseph, MO, and Minneapolis, MN. 

The more I traveled, the more I noticed a particular feeling starting to set in. I noticed the feeling the most when I was out and about in larger cities (and by out and about I mean I drove straight from work to grab dinner from Panera and then immediately back to my hotel where I remained the rest of the night). It only took the smallest amount of exposure to larger cities to make me feel this feeling, and it only took a split second or two for me to realize what that feeling was. I felt small. 

As I was driving from place to place, I couldn’t help but notice the incredible amount of people all crammed into one city. I instantly felt small and insignificant, and a lot of questions immediately popped into my head:

What makes ME significant? Do I even matter? I’m just one person in a massive sea of people. Am I doing enough? How do I compare to what the 325.7 million people in this country, let alone the 7.442billion people in the world? What sets me apart from everyone else? What gives MY life meaning?

I pushed most of those thoughts out of my head because they were forcing me into a bad mindset, but two main questions stuck with me:

1. Am I doing enough? 

2. Am I having enough of a positive impact in the world?

AM I doing enough? 

I currently volunteer once a week, but I’ve been thinking of exploring other volunteer opportunities; I’m not enjoying my current volunteer option as much as I thought I would and I’m finding that my heart just isn’t in it. Does that make me a failure? Am I being selfish and giving up to easily? Or would my time be better served elsewhere where I would be invested and giving my all? I can’t help but think about people who go to third world countries to volunteer and wonder if they actually want to go. When they feel “called” to go, do they actually want to go, or are they doing it out of a feeling of obligation? Maybe a bit of both? I’ve never had that feeling of being “called” to go somewhere and serve others…what does that say about me? I would love to go on more mission trips if/when my work schedule allows it. 

I show up for work every day, but am I doing my job to the best of my ability? Should I offer to do more? Am I contributing enough to the relationships I have in my life? Am I treating people well enough? Am I giving my pet enough love and attention? Am I giving myself too much attention? Should I be thinking of/doing things for others more often? The apartment could definitely be cleaned more often…

AM I leaving a positive impact on the world? 

I’ve watched a couple videos on Facebook of people who have tried going “trash free” and it makes me feel like Oscar the Grouch, meaning that I produce an average amount of garbage (which I guess makes me a little grouchy). I recycle about 90% of the time (this can be improved), and I would like to start shopping in ways that produce less trash (i.e. buy items in bulk and put them in mason jars, buy more fresh produce that isn’t in packaging, etc.). I would like to do better in this category so my future children have a world to enjoy as they grow up. I did buy silicone straws and use my re-usable grocery bags when I remember to do so, so that’s a start. I would like to try and eliminate plastic Ziploc bags next…baby steps! 

I always dream up ideas of starting projects for good and worthy causes, but they never go anywhere. Why? Because I’m just one person in this big wide world and don’t know that I’d actually be able to make that much of a difference; I don’t feel important enough to be able to start something that will actually take off and matter. But you know what? That’s not the point. 

Just a few weeks after I started having all of these thoughts, a song popped up on Spotify called “Dream Small” by Josh Wilson and it really hit home for me. 

“Dream small

Don’t buy the lie you’ve gotta do it all

Just let Jesus use you where you are

One day at a time

Live well

Loving God and others as yourself

Find little ways where only you can help

With His great love

A tiny rock can make a giant fall

Dream small…”

“Of course there’s nothing wrong with bigger dreams

Just don’t miss the minutes on your way to bigger things

‘Cause these simple moments change the world…”

What I’ve concluded based on these reflections is that I may not be an important person with a big name in this big, wide world, but I matter to a select few; my wonderful family, my amazing friends, and God. And you know what? That’s all that matters. Life is meant to be lived happy, not comparing ourselves to others or striving for unattainable perfection. “We’re born to be happy, not to be perfect.”

You don’t need to compete with the 7.442 billion people in the world because they aren’t you. Whether you travel to a third world country to serve an entire community or help one person on your way to work, you are making a positive impact in the world. As long as you’re trying, you are on your way to success! There will undoubtedly be trial and errors until you find what makes you feel peace, contentment, satisfaction, etc., but that's a necessary part of life. So try new things to discover more about yourself, turn your ideas into actions, do the best you can when you can, treat others as you want to be treated, and love. 

Love your life, love others, and love God unconditionally, just as God loves you.